1. I just noticed something worse than a cold toilet seat, a warm one.
2. If my calculations are right, by November of 2019 my uneven usage of
conditioner will finally lap the shampoo and I will run out of both at
the exact same time.
3. Hey Subway, just make everything 5 dollars forever and shut the hell up
4. My apologies, I am now just blatantly wasting your time by typing absolute drivel.
5. I want a GPS unit with Stephen Hawking's voice.
6. I thought that by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead we have pocket catheters and Honey Boo Boo.
7. Honey Boo Boo’s mother has a boyfriend and I'm single...Just let that sink in for a minute.
8. It just occurred to me that I have never actually seen anyone lick their lips in anticipation of a good meal.
9. I love the Clorox bleach commercial where the kid says "Mommy, I went
poo poo" and pooped in the tub. We need more commercials like that.
10. "Just because it stretches...doesn't mean it fits" should be on the label of everything spandex.